I guess nothing worth having is ever easy... What's left when the song and dance is over? When you're sat in the quiet of your room and the weight of a new path is laid out before you... Life has a funny way of giving you what you ask for in full. You're only lucky if it waits until you're ready. Usually I see change happen in semesters, not weeks. Eight days became a lifelong memory of my first ever masters class; the first time in a while that I've been challenged to grow beyond myself. I've gone through a lot of ups and downs in my life and found out within the past few years of my life how to double down on my strengths and ride them all the way to success. I can keep up in intellectual conversation. I know how to publicly speak, how to present, how to listen, how to collaborate, how to bring out the best in people so that they bring out the best in me. And then I walk into a class that challenged not just my strengths, but perhaps my biggest academic flaws with the expectation that no matter how I came into the group, I would have to grow beyond where I started. I've said from early on I hate online learning and that I could never do it. So fate made my career based on online learning. I said I hate having to be constrained by rigid standards, and fate put me in teaching. I hated having to be clear, concise, and to the point, so fate put me in a masters course. As a kid, I felt like I was weak, so life made me grow grit. I used to feel unheard and unseen, so life made me a leader. I used to feel completely detached, so life made me care about others. I used to feel unloved, so life gave me teachers. Then it made me one. I found a niche in writing to be able to express deep thoughts from being the quiet observant kid that nobody realized was listening. It was finally an outlet for me to be fully myself, and poetry had no rules, only soul. But life needed me to be bigger than that kid, so it threw me into a program that demanded I take raw talent and refine it with effort. I felt sick seeing an annotated rough draft having so many comments on errors from my awkward writing. I couldn't see the comments, only a vulnerable kid who used to hide his voice for fear of ridicule. It took me the entire course to get probably one of the simplest parts of the class completed, and I did it. Eight days and I'm here, having to step into the responsibility of my growth. Eight days of being told that I'm capable and that I belong so that I can helps others see that in themselves. Eight days to turn into something more than a career... Eight days to turn into a lifestyle. I've thrived on change and this was a milestone of a life story. A point where the protagonist finds out just a bit more about themselves when they thought they'd found out plenty. A point where they realized they were wrong. What a blessing it is to be wrong, and to have so much more growth to look forward to. Here's to the end of a short chapter that could've been a book. Guess it's just the introduction to one hell of a big picture. And it's time for me to become one hell of an artist.
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Sometimes too much of a good thing is a bad thing; including knowledge. It was an interesting exercise today to see the ladder of inference and collect ourselves as a group to stay at a level of pure observation. When we have so much collective experience and opinions telling us to push forward without wasting time and get to the answer, we can miss some crucial steps in the learning process. In Wilderness First Aid, we call it scene safety: you observe a scene before you rush in to help someone or you may inadvertently become the second victim to whatever caused the injury in the first place. When we rush in with our enthusiastic know how, are we the second victims? I've seen it with GATE cluster children who are so naturally intelligent that they manage calculations and mental processes without realizing that they even thought about it, even when the answer is correct. This is the path of least resistance: the most well traveled and historically successful route towards a result. But where does innovation fit in the most well traveled path? Why is it the the most consistently successful participants in the Marshmallow Spaghetti Tower Challenge are imaginative, and collaborative, Kindergartners?
Even with my relative inexperience compared to veteran teachers in this class, and with my extensive familiarity with this particular challenge, I still find myself pushing for the RIGHT answer! I want to feel the safety of quickly and efficiently arriving at an answer that seems rational and garners the most support instead of trying to branch out into something novel. Doing so makes us all second victims and innovation was the life we were trying to save. So we're met with the stark reminder that in this class, we aren't the teachers, we're the students. And to add another layer of complexity to the mix? WE'RE RESEARCHERS TOO! We're not only having to relearn how to collaborate, but we're learning how to annotate and provide evidence beyond our classroom experience. It's a daunting task set before us to balance all these lessons with our projects and remember that the only way through this process is together. Sweating the small stuff and laying our bricks seems impossible on our own, but the refreshing reminder that our colleagues are supporting us gives much needed breathing room. It's a powerful reminder for us to empathize with our students who feel overworked and unmotivated to accomplish tasks outside of the Zone of Proximal Development. Yet I trust in my colleagues to support me on the path and I hope to give collaborative, fun challenges like the spaghetti tower to encourage my students' trust as well. We're all in this together, and we ALL belong. Where does idealism meet with reality? I've lived so much of my life operating from a 'Why' that sometimes it's hard to remember there's a 'How' and a 'What' needed too. Part of the beauty of working with experienced professionals is that they're willing and able to challenge a 'Why' with hard truths: How do you expect to make that happen in the real world? It's an honest, and necessary, question. I'm struck by the stages of team development which can also be utilized for any group setting as well as for personal development. That first forming stage is the place of high enthusiasm with a relatively low skill set or understanding of what the group is going to accomplish. I walked into day 2 with the passionate confidence of a toddler in a batman outfit, and was met with mild storming in the form of an important note: the pressure of state mandates affecting our best practices is very real. This was further reinforced for me upon looking at the 'show what you know' exercise and realizing that I could only confidently address 1 post-it note. Where these experienced professionals had refined their techniques and been exposed to blended learning, CTE, and authentic assessment, I was so fresh in my experience that I now learned how much learning I have left to do. But, there was ONE post-it I could give: systems thinking. That was enough of a foothold to keep me in the game. It was the reminder that I'm a part of this class system, and I'm a part of this group. We're going to grow together and that includes me. Because I'm here to learn these 21st century skills and if I can ask my students to feel uncomfortable and grow with me, then I can be uncomfortable and grow with this class. Did my enthusiasm drop a bit? Sure. But my awareness of what I have left to learn increased and my trust in the process helped me rebound from being checked by more experienced teachers. We're here to balance each other, and not be a one way street. That's the environment this class needs to have to affect real, authentic learning. It's time to move to the bigger phases of Team Development so that we can show up in our best forms for ALL of our students. It's hard feeling like the little fish in a big pond!
How many aspiring teachers have walked into the career thinking THEY would be the ones to inspire change in the world only to leave within 5 years? I faced incredible impostor syndrome walking into the first master's class of my life not even having a teaching job yet during the uncertain times of COVID-19. Am I really cut out to be involved in this group? In reading the articles, watching the videos, and hearing our instructor, impostor syndrome gave way to a most incensed feeling; a feeling that our children deserve better! Our American education system is predicated on a patchwork of outdated decisions which benefited those with a seat at the political table. So what do I bring to the table they're seated at? Some fresh, whole foods style enthusiasm and preparation. I've worked with kids my entire life and have wrote original lesson plans that not only teach morality, teamwork, and leadership, but also engage and inspire them. I have built relationships that far transcended programs and I struggle alongside traumatized foster youth and their families so we all succeed. I know what my 'Why' is and it is bigger than my fears of inexperience. Because inexperience brings innovation and novelty where an old system needs it most. |